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"Who would take their child to a dance class that, when the dance teacher tells you to do something, you have a fucking panic attack?" asks Kelly as she reflects on the moment she finally reached the end of her rope with Dance Moms on "Divas Las Vegas". While the show attempted to tie off the proceedings with a small moment of Abby being kind, Kelly knew she was done by the end of this week's competition in Las Vegas.

True to her word last week, Abby gives both Brooke and Paige solos. However, she will...

"They always blame everything on me. Like Abby being there is because of me? I had to be there. I was forced to come back!" Kelly notes for what increasingly feels like the millionth time as the show attempts to use Kelly and her kids as drama fodder on "On-Again, Off-Again Abby". Abby is still out for the week but makes a special appearance at the ALDC to present Kelly with a threat. Abby doesn't want Kelly there, but if she "insists" then Abby promises to work her children to the bone with new solos every week. That of...

"If we're being honest, you cannot script Abby," admits Christi as she tries to articulate why Dance Moms was such a success and Dance Moms: Miami only ran one season. It's one of the many topics discussed on this week's bonus Q&A episode! If you're a member of the Back to the Barre Patreon then you already know it's the best place to get your questions answered directly by Christi and Kelly, but not ever listener is a subscriber! We thought what better way to wrap up this 4th of July holiday weekend than to give the main...

"This was the greatest moment in Dance Moms history as far as I was concerned." exclaims Christi since Abby is away "with her mother" and Gia is left in charge on "Gone, Abby Gone". There isn't even a Pyramid this week, how could this not be the best week ever? Cause Abby still found a way to make it awful! But most of that wasn't shown on camera, so prepare for a lot of 4th wall breaking to find out what really went down that Fourth of July weekend in 2013.

Kelly is contractually forced to bring...

"What do we do with [Broadway Baby]? Put a Big Mac inside of her!" jokes Kelly as after many months of waiting Abby finally is reunited with Broadway Baby's stuffed corpse on "The Dancing Dead". But as Christi and Kelly point out, it's pretty obvious that Broadway Baby got a bit more than a facelift at the taxidermist. While the show notes Baby has a new set of eyes, the fur looks remarkable whiter than when Baby was alive! If the fur isn't even Baby's... could you even call this Broadway Baby at all? Abby decides Baby needs a...

"Crabapples? I wonder how many things we can say that's not Candy Apples? We really go for it." observes Christi as the second half of "Clash of the Dance Moms" boils down to quite a lot of name calling and not much else. This week the ALDC is competing at Believe National Talent Competition in Lancaster, PA with Payton and Leslie filling in for the Hylands. Leslie is gunning for a permanent position, dragging Kelly's name through the mud every chance she gets and keeps reminding eveyroen to imagine a world in which she's a permanent ALDC fixture. While...

"We're not going to lose to that evil woman. I'm the only evil woman in your life. Well that's for sure." jokes Kelly while enjoying the fact she's still in exile during this week's episode. As "Clash of the Dance Moms" kicks off Abby is makes her disdain for Kelly's absence abundantly clear as Paige and Brooke are slotted at the bottom of the pyramid. With Kelly unable to criticize Abby, attention turns to Holly who is upset at Nia's middling placement on the Pyramid. Holly says she believes Nia is not receiving the attention from Abby that she...

"We're not three minutes in and I want to puke," groans Christi as Dance Moms moves away from recaps and back into the thick of it with "Recital Rebellion". It's time once again for the annual ALDC recital and, in the intervening weeks since filming, it seems that something has gone amiss because even before Pyramid begins its clear everyone is on edge. No one more-so than Kelly, who is immediately greeted with Paige being placed at the bottom of the Pyramid for a minor error. When Kelly points out Maddie wouldn't have been held to such a standard...

"We want to know how long it's going to take for somebody to come and try and arrest us. Wouldn't that be hysterical if we got arrested here? It would be a full circle moment and obviously about a decade in the making," our lovely Bitches observe as they reunite in person for a visit back to the old ALDC studio (wine bottle in hand and 100% not trespassing in any way) to cover Season 3's "Abby's So Far This Season..."

Yes, it's yet another another recap episode! Why wasn't this aired after the Chatter episodes instead...

“This next scene is genuinely one of the wildest scenes I’ve ever seen on television. I cannot believe the words that are going to come out of Melissa’s mouth,” notes Christi as Abby's long not-awaited return to the ALDC heralds just as much drama as one would fear on "Tap Versus Hip Hop". If Pyramid weren't enough to dredge back up the Chloe loosing to Maddie debacle from the previous competition, Abby once again pits the two girls against one another with dueling solos. While Maddie gets a tap number that plays to her strengths, Chloe gets saddled...